Online Abdelbaset Abdessamad

not put the cart before the horse

aka (*) "solved the transplant, what other problems can we invent?"

I thought a couple of minutes if it was right to write in a blog thing about my family from a perspective that I have not quite intimate nearly-if ever-wrote: my wife, his moods and our relationship. I have written for the vast majority of things related to my illness, personal feelings and sensations, rather than technical articles that I have "designed" as a patient who is concerned too much of the medical details. The reality is that I started to blog aimlessly: I just wanted to leave a trace of a patient on the waiting list for a transplant that lives its hold. Of course at that time did not know how it would end. I went on for several months writing in a disordered feelings, moods, and the results of some research on waiting lists, medications, etc..

In August came the transplant! The days immediately preceding and the weeks following surgery, were particularly laden with emotions, hopes and sorrows.

My life has changed! I am reborn! I make plans for the future, I want to spend more time with my wife, my children. I want to enjoy the pleasure of living with them. The ad, write it! Now, 40 days after transplantation, are Tradate in a rehabilitation center, but with a little 'luck in ten days, maybe fifteen, what do you say, Mr. P.? - I'll be home and we can start this new location.

And here we see a new problem. Passed the most critical moment in recent months, my wife is giving up day after day. After being very well able to lead the family alone during my absence from home for the past four months-and-three babies are not few, for about a week does no more than live their days with anxiety, stress, depression, sadness, bitterness.

His reasons: he went back to work, but work did not comply, it loses too much time. For more now schools started again, so there are more pressing commitments, time closer. The big baby busy with football, other than a nuisance ... And you feel weak, tired all the time ... And I

here, locked in Tradate 15 days longer than expected because of an antiviral medication that I take two times a day ... but I'm sorry, what are 15 days compared to all the sacrifices we have experienced in recent months? The worst is over! CAN NOT give up when you are arrival so close!

But she, in myopia and dullness with which you see the future, have already forgotten all the promises we have made-especially those that I did-or maybe not if they have already forgotten, but he does not believe more .

has reached the point: my dear wife, you're putting the cart before the horse! You're problems by asking about our future before I can show you that in my new life (the one I called "corNovum"), I can give more, I can be more involved, I can help more with the kids and you can spend more time to yourself, but also more time together, to be happier!

So arrogant and almost mean, I use my little space to vent and to ask you to be patient, to give me at least the possibility of returning to family, to believe in our possibilities, in our projects. We can be a happy family, but we must do together. I do not give up now! Do you think it is easy for me? What is a life of absolute safety? Just because now I can make 5 flights of stairs below a first course or to eat without my stomach hurt, or drinking two liters of water a day without choking?

We will not be an easy life. No one has ever said. We know for some time. Until two months ago I had a short life expectancy and suffering. Now that the Lord gave us this grace, we believe in the future and continue to do our best for our family.

not hate me for having so brazenly put these issues on the blog. I could not do on the phone. You came to visit with children in Tradate last Saturday and it was not easy. I'm tired, I cried with emotion. Perhaps you expected more from me in some sort of certainty. This morning I called you, I wanted to tell you the result of my stress test, and you were pissed off because the train was late, and had lost two hours to go to work ... each with its own short-sightedness, with its problems.

Maybe that's why taking advantage of my blog. Why I vent, with the approval (?) of those few that I read. I do not want the approval of anyone, I do not want comments like "you're right, you have to get by Sandra, you have to do it, you are a wonderful family," and so on.

Again, I wrote this article so absolutely selfish, coerce the family and especially yours. But I hope that this freedom that I've got this thing that I have dared to do, make you understand what I believe in this and with what force you asking us to believe too, and give me the opportunity to demonstrate that we can be a family happier than we were until yesterday.

you, dear readers, I apologize ... Read and be quiet! Approved or criticized in silence.

only one aspect of my wife's comment:

"Dear Mauri, you're right. I am responding incorrectly. I promise to wait for calm and believe in our future. I love you like I know you love me.


Sandra. "

(*)" aka "for the uninitiated, is an Anglo-Saxon word which means" Also known as "(also known as"). The sense is that I could name it after this post as "solved the transplant, what other problems can we invent?"

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imagine Pictures, dream smiles, reduces regrets ...
... I forget, but not always / want to break trivial.

trite idea that blue is perfect
thin crop idea ... Stupid ... I go on, I do not face

unknown tender smile of green hidden among my Profile expects "I'll never be"

... probably will go, I see, I'll be ...

I'll see them between the sea and salt water and a gentle autumn sun intent to carve out a moment of solitude between dreams and reality ...

I do not know the name and the lines and everything, but the voice I hear in my thoughts ... here and filter your scent.

I like your voice, I'll never forget your scent ...
Cat in the bag do not you put it if it is not crazy ... cut nails, but not the tail, and life goes fast, behind every idea thought dream voice lie ...

is not the world that stops, we who crystallized the eternal between the eyes and ideas, thereby losing precious days ... damned useless words.

I want to live and paint my days on all the corners of my life / will never be one color.

Brancolo but not stagger end fragrances and flavors and smiles.

no use pretending to remember, carrying a small bag of excuses. I
store and tell the world that are so ...

But inside of me dancing is deep and very loud music ...

What Building Sand In Fish Tank

Last month, Part III

from 18/08 to 26/08, resuscitation

In this post I refer to my memories of the intensive care unit. But I warn you ... article was heavy, unmotivated. Write between yesterday and today, I realized that he probably passed the worst eight days of my life.

I know it's nothing compared to the size of the "rebirth", but it is a necessary step through which we all go, others a bit 'better who is a bit' worse, when we undergo an operation under general anesthesia.

If after this warning you are convinced, however, to relive some of the experience with me, go ahead!

original photo intensive care unit of the Niguarda. The photos are kindly "sold" by Giancarlo:)

I open my eyes and I see that Sandra shakes my hand. Where am I? Ah, I must be in intensive care, I had surgery. I do not feel pain, my mouth is awfully mixed, and then ... what the fuck! What 's this stuff in my mouth? A tube going down his throat! Yuck, I can not stay with a tube that I'm turning in the language. So-so I was told - I could not speak because of the tube.

Sandra tells me, tells me that everything went well, that's all right. I try to make myself understood by gestures, I am annoyed by the throat. Obviously I can not make myself understood. I try to make some gestures, but I am not strong, I shake hands. Obviously I can not drink. Wet my lips with a gauze. I feel terribly stoned and after a while I go back to sleep.

The next morning I "stub". In reality there were two tubes. One by the nose, which I attended in breathing. The other, in the mouth, which avoided that filled me with phlegm, saliva, or I go into the lungs, I well understood. At that point I can speak, obviously with some discomfort in the throat.

are swollen like a balloon. My arms so swollen that I can not bend them. To lift them not even mentioned, I have not the strength. I always thirsty. My throat burns. I have the tongue dry. But do not give me a drink because they are full of fluid. It seems a contradiction but it is. The only thing that give me a drink of water is a siringone lead me in the mouth, but in fact are only 20 cc. My mouth is incredibly mixed, it seems to me that I have put in the mud is drying. Sometimes the mouth is so dry that almost sticks his tongue to the palate.

I call it "help desk", where we follow ...

I have severe pain in muscles. Being stuck in bed I feel nervous and worsens the pain. In the evening I make an injection of morphine in the leg. After 5 minutes I began to relax. After 15 minutes I have no more pain. The effect lasts me 4 to 6 hours. I can sleep in flashes, waking every one or two hours. Every time I wake up I raise my arm to show me a nurse and ask for water. Usual 20 cc syringe.

I sleep with a pillow under your arms to keep them higher and help them to deflate. Nevertheless, in the morning are more swollen the night before.

I have high blood sugar. Effect of cortisone, or maybe the solution that I inject into a vein 24 hours a day, which contains glucose. I can not eat sugar. I'm happy with the fruit sugar-free candies. I feel at least some taste in the throat that contrasts the thirst for a few minutes.

I have high blood pressure. Even up to 190/110. I feel my head explode. I feel my body burning. Every day I feel that with other antihypertensive drugs. This is wrong, this is a little bit, we increase the dose, and so on. etc..

Meanwhile doctors, while reassuring me, I explain that I have kidney failure important, so I'm full of liquid, so fill me with diuretics. Because of this failure, my heart, despite being strong, good and healthy, is struggling. I inject adrenaline to 'push' a bit-force him to seek a bit 'more. " I feel my heart beating strong. It seems to have a jackhammer inside the body. A feeling really annoying that no sane person Trials in life, I guess. Fortunately, in minutes.

I despair. I'm in a bad mood. For more information ask my dear (Sandra, mother, aunt, uncle) ... I say to all evil. I make a fuss. I cry. Does not suit me at all.

I can not eat. The first day I eat a fruit mousse. In the evening I do eat a broth, but I eat it reluctantly. The little water that I give it a very bad taste. Ground seems to drink. After a few days early to eat but very little, because I'm not hungry, I do not feel the taste, and what little I hear it sucks.

Every morning I wash. Before they make me shave with my electric razor. Then take a sponge and wash me in pieces, face, arms and legs. I do a wash underwear with the pan under the seat. The only thing I do alone in this task is to brush my teeth. I will wash my hair for the first time on day 7 after surgery.

course to evacuate voluntarily do not talk. Great masses of air move, in part release. But after 5 or 6 days you take measurements: a good clean, I recommend that you keep it longer in the body, so it actually does. In reality this does not even really that good.

not speaking of feelings of helplessness at the time to get on board bed for the first time, then even to stand and then sit on the chair beside the bed. It seems titanic experience. The legs are not responding. The head turns a lot. Oh my God, but what's happening to me? How will I return to normal?

Moral of the story: I had to stay 6 days in intensive care at the end there the rest 8. My worst eight days of life, probably.

A feeling that I will never forget. Knowing that the intervention is successful, yet I felt bad as ever you were in your life. A sense of powerlessness, impatience, intolerance total. Failing to make the days go by. Wait forever. Endless nights. Infinite pains.

Next to me was an Indian boy of 4 months (four months). They took him to intensive care that I was already aware. He was crying, but they immediately intubated. Certainly continued to cry, but being intubated, poor, could not even be heard. She wept in silence. I'm crying as I write this, remembering the alarms that signaled continuously monitor arrhythmias, fibrillation, arrest or something of that his tiny heart. The doctors did not know whether they work or not. There was obviously a risk of death during surgery. Also high was the risk of death for his condition. One night they had to make a "maneuver" emergency, they came a couple of doctors and have saved my life. But you want to know what is most heartbreaking? I told my wife, who for religious reasons, religious or whatever, the child has been virtually abandoned by his parents, refused, because of ill health or life threatening. After the first few days, no longer come to see anyone. What torment!

One thing I remember positively, and I can not report. The kindness, patience and kindness of nurses. All, without exception, are absolutely prepared to face situations of patients like me are desperate. And believe me, there are patients who are and who are much worse than me. I've heard, it was difficult to see why I could not turn my neck and look at all sides-patients who are constantly trying to rip the tube from the nose or throat, urinary catheter. Patients who spoke for themselves, who complained loudly that raved.

Similarly, I recognize the ability of the medical department of resuscitation. I was followed 24 hours a day from doctors who turns discussing the situation, treatment, what to do, I comforted, I explained.

I would like to thank them one by one, but do not even remember their names. Apparently in those days I was not polished enough to be stored. But I remember their faces.

Special recognition to Dr. Pedrazzini I do for her affection, its so peaceful to speak to me, with his ability to calm down so marked, to give me security and hope.

concludes, resuscitation is a mandatory step towards rehabilitation, to care. A passage very hard, morally and physically. A passage from which they all emerge psychologically unscathed. A shift that fortunately most of us do unconsciously. We who has not yet happened to be asleep, operated, and live the experience of resuscitation. And, no matter how you tell that was their worst experience-perhaps-of life, you'll never know until you happen to live on your skin.

But the grandeur and beauty of life is that in any case is a path that must be addressed, that each of us must face if he was asked to do so. Flee means to appreciate life do not know. And that, that I am reborn, I can neither accept nor justify it.

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Theaters Czechs appear to be clumsy

We're not monsters and
not show what you're hiding

... and you appear in your sad theater.

Drops of loneliness and fear
shine in your eyes
... I can count.

Model precarious hiding solitary beings
afraid of this life relentless.
Starring unknown existence of dark,
illuminated by dim lights of improbable stages ...
Theaters For Czechs appear clumsy and inexperienced.

thousand dresses per thousand viewers

actor and spectator, schizophrenic individual ...
Slow Dance Matta
Flipped upside down, your life is no more.
While trying to climb, and continue your descent.

now and tomorrow

yesterday while not yet willing to go

My mind stretches and shrinks it distracts
see you, but you are now too far away ...

dim shadows on the horizon, at the end of a bridge
poorly concealed fear, discomfort and the wrongness of a desperate life
caressed coveted imagined from afar, you're just worn out
abandoned prison inside the heart, loneliness pain

white red yellow and blue

I do not account ... Rate me

you who know how to count in this world to throw

I ... walkaway

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small hitch

CMV. Photo courtesy of euthman

Today I was informed that the third biopsy was negative, and this is the best news I could get after a transplant. We hope to be always the case. Even last week on Tuesday, then switch to every 15 days. for another two months, then monthly for 3 months and so on until the end of the first year.

A small hiccup on the way however, is the reactivation of a latent virus, cytomegalovirus (CMV), or a family of herpes virus responsible for mononucleosis. It 's a virus that we take almost all teens and remains latent in the blood so asymptomatic throughout life. Unfortunately, in people who undergo a transplant, a immunosuppression because they are subject, more often than the virus (which is by definition a aprofittatore) wakes up and attacks, they can generate serious problems.

attack therapy is the use of an antiviral called ganciclovir (Cymevene), and in these cases for 21 days administered through an IV twice a day. This means that from today will stand at least 21 more days (until October 7) in the hospital to complete this treatment. Whereas, however, we would stay until the end of next week, actually I should not "lose" more than a fortnight compared to the original plan.

The arrival in Genoa is roughly estimated at around mid-October rather than late September. Not bad, especially because aprofitterò anyway to continue the rehabilitation here by surprise, where there is a very good team of physical therapists.

Another small hitch is that I already got my first cold. Cough and phlegm, for now none of that, I just hope it does not want to degenerate into something like bronchitis, etc.. Again, better to be in hospital and at home. No problem, we take the loooong peacefully.

The mood is right, I'm sure! And then today he came to betray my dear friend John, exactly 15 days after transplant of me, inseparable companion waiting transplant Don Gnocchi. E 'in the hospital room next to me with a gentleman (he also transplanted) very nice of Liguria.

Can I Shower After Arm Waxing

rightful and deserved to change look

I have received several requests to replace my previous photo of the head, where I appear sad and impatient with that taken with the phone on a night of euphoria after a few days after birth. The photo unfortunately does not move and the colors are gorgeous, but does justice to REBIRTH!

I thought about it but I had not had time for change. And had done!

For those wishing to revise the original version, I leave a screen below. You can click on it to see it in the dimension original.

Graditi comments on the result. E 'rise to the occasion?

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Last month, Part II that spat

(Part I available here )

The 18/08, the intervention

photo courtesy of hugged2death

about 01 hours. Latest recipes: brushed of povidone-iodine (brown disinfectant that to which they always ask if you're allergic) throughout the body (except face). Drops of Valium to calm down. Injection in the backside of the "pre-anesthesia" (I guess it is a sedative that while good for you stoned).

about 02 hours. It starts, transport to the operating room with the bed of the department. Arrival in the operating room. Admission to the operating room. A show! Modern, remember the usual spots that are seen in all films, plus a series of monitors. You know the series Dr. House when you see the operating room, he watches from above a closet with a huge glass wall, while turning his stick? That's it, but to me it seemed even more beautiful than this!

What makes you a little 'nervous, in addition to knowing that for at least 4 or 5 hours you will be absolutely irresponsible and at the mercy of doctors, is the parade of people who organize attacks you cable system "stuff" around, sterile fields, etc..

They put on the operating table naked, then you cover with a cloth, I think, and then you bring a blanket, remember that they called "the scaldotto" - because obviously is freezing cold in there.

After these initial details, I have very vague memories. I then began obviously to be taken by anxiety. I recall with pleasure that an anesthetist, a lady who was at the back of my head, stroked my face and I said, breathing deeply. Now we inject a drug that stuns you a bit 'but it'll relax ... a bomb! After five seconds, I felt "stoned" ... a feeling of peace and serenity - but also stoned - I do not remember that he never tried. I do not know if any drug is comparable to what we hear around - I do not even come close are in my life - but this is almost worth a try! I remember saying a few swear words and then he apologized, with the last glimmer of conscience I had left. Type "Holy shit that stuff you gave me, so now that they are stoned for good!" ... And maybe even a "sorry guys, I want-all-good-am-in-your-hand-me-do -what-you-want. "

End of first-person accounts because obviously I lost consciousness. Have been about 02.30 hours. So instead

by third parties (by the surgeons tell my wife) that the heart was explanted in (place unknown) had to be transported by helicopter to Niguarda but weather problems was taken by car, which came with a couple of hours late.

The intervention began at around 05 and ended at around 11.

In the next section, resuscitation. Since my awakening, my first memories from my early days and "corNovum.

Can You Drink Tea While Fasting For A Blood Test?

The history of the bird too ... and the dog that broke his neck

Photo courtesy of thejeffreywscott

Day with friends outdoors. I play with my cute little bird. I realize that if you squeeze the sides a little jet of water sprays (such as ducks that are put in the tank to the children). The little bird seems to enjoy, oltrettutto, then continued between the curiosity of friends. The more you squeeze the jet is far more: at last after losing all liqud, I see that it is exhausted. E 'slim skinny thin and very very weak. I go to the kitchen and chopped celery and carrots (I knew that it was delicious), the more prepared a basin of water so that it can recharge. When I get dall'uccellino, thin thin thin, enters my dog \u200b\u200bhead (he had never appeared in the first scene) and jumping and playing, I overtake dangerously and heads toward the bird. Alas, the dog accidentally stepped on the bird, and in doing this action, you stumble, beats the muzzle on a step and breaks his neck.

animals both die within a few seconds.

I wake with a start and luckily I realize that it was only a dream one night of September ...

Some readers know I do not totally quack perhaps be interpreted?

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Last month, Part I Maureen

from 05/08 to 17/08. Latest days of waiting

hard Month! Day 05/08, arrival at the Niguarda, Don Gnocchi origin, for my eighth monthly cycle of inotropic (levosimendan). Things do not take the right way. Without the drug, some blood tests indicate poor liver function. Index of congestive heart failure (NT-proBNP), unlike earlier times, it comes down to a trickle. Everything seems to indicate that the benefits of the time course of drugs is fading. The drug is no longer due to the effect.

decide to keep me hospitalized to evaluate the course. Maybe your body just needs a few more days. Reappears shattering the "ghost" ventricular assistance (VAD). If the values \u200b\u200bdo not fall, we begin to take risks. We must act.

Meanwhile, there is the nagging problem of CRT-D (the bicameral synchronizer that I had planted in 2003). The battery has run out. Must be replaced. Not a big deal, but an intervention, however, nothing would be beneficial to the general situation.

Taken from discomfort and anxiety, rejection, however, for the umpteenth time, the ventricular assist system. Keep hospital here, rather I do not move out of bed, but I want to wait for a heart to reach me.

Day 11/08, the first hour in the afternoon. There comes a group of doctors. They ask me how it goes, and with a smile, telling me to rest because that night I underwent a heart transplant! She had arrived the reporting of a heart device, already tested and in good health. I'm told, however, that absolute certainty is found only after the surgeons have the explanted heart and can look in my hand. I am told that this confirmation will come between the hours of 19 and 21.

comes my mother's turn to visit. Meanwhile Sandra alert that is fired in Milan. At about 18 would be subjected to site preparation: fasting total dose of preoperative medications, shaving, enema to evacuate the intestines. Interview with the anesthesiologist. Release form of surgical and anesthesia. Signatures to a study on the various anti-rejection drugs.

19 hours ... 20 hours ... 21 hours ... waiting unnerving. 22 hours ... 23 hours ... I fall asleep and Sandra is in the waiting room. 00 hours. At 01:30, arrives a surgeon: I'm sorry, unfortunately we have carefully examined the heart, and there were problems. We have thought a lot but we decided not to risk doing the surgery. Sorry! All this catches us unprepared. Sandra does not know where to go to sleep and stay in the waiting room all night. I slept a fitful sleep.

This is an excerpt of my messages I left that day on Twitter:

• Reporting
heart
• Shaved, downloaded, drip, fast. Pending confirmation heart 20 hours. Stay tuned! 22 Hours
• still awaiting confirmation of the donor heart. I am completely peaceful:)
• Still no news here. Waiting removed from the donor to ensure acceptable
Heart
• not good. Operation aborted
• Another tough test to live in 7 hours, reporting from the heart transplant, patient preparation, long wait e. .. Finally ... Stop for no good heart.
• I do not believe in coincidences. Too many factors pointing in the right direction. Yesterday, an alert went wrong but I feel that we are going to do it!
• Thought of midnight yesterday, a person died and unconsciously tried to save my life with his heart, but not 'could
• In fact, my gratitude goes to the relatives cmq imagine that consent has been given to grub bodies that person
  
  

The morning after deciding to move to a room of "hi-care" or "intensive care", single bed. I take a central vein in order to increase the amount of drugs into a vein.

The good news is that some nuances, hints from the doctors, make us realize that something was triggered in my situation. This time I really priority on the list. Perhaps national. Maybe I include in the search for the hearts of blood group 0 (I being a Group B are compatible with both the B 0).

Day 15/08, I learn that there have been a heart patient in waiting for another (already the bearer of ventricular assist). The transplant is done in this patient. Stupidly and selfishly, I forget that there are still compatibility parameters and takes me ... but as the gloom, another patient has gone before me? Difficult days!

Day 17/08, 18.30. Here comes the nurse (Maria Pia, no I'll never forget) and tells me to stay on a fast. Of course I understand why, I do not even ask ... is a new listing! Sandra notice. What do we do? Another trip to Milan travel without being sure that it is the right time? Or wait to move until the Genoa and certainty? We decide for the first hypothesis, this time organizing any night in a hotel near Niguarda. If you do the surgery, remains in hospital. If you do not, at least you go to bed at the hotel. Meanwhile, a new preparation (shaving, enema, washing, etc...) I warn that the heart is not close and that the removal no earlier than 22.

final preparations, covered with povidone-iodine, half sedated

23 Hours: confirmed. The heart is good. The intervention will be tonight. I'll probably brought down in the operating room about one o'clock in the morning.

Hooray! CHEERS! It 's the right time! We mourn for the thrill! I'm happy! I am confident and secure that everything will be fine!

(Part II available here )

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REFLECTIONS

house of mirrors, reflections indigestible
unreasonable shadows appear and disappear
I avoid his gaze, but I feel them on me ...

slide back, but I do not support
fall slowly, inexorably ...

forever I do not want to go back, but I will not get anything I want around



refracting the sun shines a little far ..
that mirror there.

only in the middle of other sick sadly mirrors refracted, broken, a light now dead ...

a dead star a thousand years ago with his infinite invades

I remember the crushes, closing his eyes ... forgetting its false glory.

the wisdom of emptiness dispels the false lights of a memory useless ...

as she has always been for me.

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IS BACK!

earliest thing, "Maurice is back," POINT (as he said the "prince" to George Leonard GF10).

I received the grace to be subjected to a successful heart transplant surgery! In my heart beats a healthy body of another person who passed away, has consciously or unconsciously saved another one! And on this there is raining. Moreover it is not even a story recently, since the intervention took place in the morning of August 18. But today is the first day that I can sit an hour to write the first post. In resuscitation is not talked about either, and here in the room where they are now there you can almost never connect: (

what to say, this time there are so many things I want to talk, but also more profound and moving concerning my personal and unique experience of being literally "reborn" to those more technical and specific of all interventions and procedures they have undergone the experience of resuscitation, and not forgetting some things to read that I actually tried to write in near real time via Twitter (moliveri70) and back on Facebook .

I just decided that I will try to divide things into many small deliveries, many posts, so as to be able to arrange and organize them better.


easier to read ... ... and give rise to the expectation!


What a heart beats inside of me?

Today I write, I only know that this is a great body. They told me that time does not works so good! I have also said that some time they saw a heart extract (mine) so battered: verbatim the surgeon described it as thick and gelatinous. BLAH! Poor old heart, while I carried on for 39 years of my life.

There are two classes of transplant recipients: those who absolutely want to know everything about their donor, know the family, etc.. - You saw the movie 21 grams? I belong to the class opposite: I do not care about the provenance of my new heart. Does not interest me how old he was ... why? Would a 45 year old heart of sports and healthy, or a sedentary 33 year old and a smoker?

From what I understand, in relation to discharge there will still be some information about the implanted organ. All right, all that it says will hear officially, but will not ask for anything more. The important thing is that you have a healthy heart of a healthy person, age is reasonably similar to mine.

Reborn

Never ever thought I would feel how I feel now. I've dreamed of for so many months, especially in the last period lived away from home. But quite rightly they were only fantasies. The reality is that my heart has never been healthy since birth. It 's true that before the first failure-had in 2001 - I was not "consciously symptomatic, it is true that in my teens do not suffer from this deficiency heart, simply because I did not know what it means to have a perfect heart. Or maybe because the heart could still make me carry out the activities of a normal teenager. I did not feel "less" than the others, except when it came to running a race or effort details. I was always the last in any physical activity. I thought it was only because of some extra pounds on him.

As I wrote in other posts, the symptoms of heart disease worsened significantly since 2008. The year 2009 was very tense, nerve-wracking, tiring, obviously not just for me but for my family. I am silly, little by little all the entertainment possibilities, the desires and the forces to take new actions, new projects, holidays, etc.. Not to mention 2010, when I was practically locked up at home, ending the month of May at the famous Don Gnocchi I mentioned several times in this blog.

"born again" is just the concept accurate. I am a new person, inside the same body, with 39 years of memory-stored in the brain and partially transcribed on this blog. " Mauritius have a new battery that gives me an incredible charge, a desire to recover the year consumed, to do whatever I wanted to do and that it was impossible to do. The memories begin to blur in recent years, perhaps because subconsciously I'm trying to put them aside to soften.

not alter at all the beautiful emotions and experiences that I lived, however: to be raised in a happy family who loved me and I have never failed anything, to have met my wife, to have procreated with her my three children who are in absolute the most important and indispensable part of my life. From today I start a new life with them. Someone - the gentleman, providence, stubbornness, luck, surgeons, or maybe all the things together - I have given this second chance, and I am absolutely determined to use it better!